


Clearly Now

by Augustus



Category: Dragonlance - Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-12-13
Updated: 2000-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-08 05:58:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3198017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Augustus/pseuds/Augustus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dalamar ponders the latter events of the Legends Trilogy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clearly Now

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Jesus Christ Superstar song "Heaven on their minds"

I once called you _Shalafi_.

Oh, but you are not the same anymore, my master, my inspiration, my darkness-clutching lover. The face still holds such familiarity, yet there is something missing now; something important, something true. And it was never the gold beneath your skin, or the passage of time in those tortured eyes, which bound me ever to your side. It was never the 'you' who stood before me, countenance imploring me to despise you; never the feared Archmage of whom the children whispered horror tales under cover of darkness and in the safe embrace of a favourite toy. No, I always saw much more in you, Raistlin, more than your appearance, more than your emblazoned reputation. But my mind is clearer now. And now all I see before me is a power-hungry shell of a man who never cared.

Because that is all you are, 'master'. A man. Not a god.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I begrudge you your moment in the stars, not that I cannot see the power in your grasp. It is not that you can't do it, _Shalafi_ , rather that your shouldn't. What pleasure does deification hold that is beyond you here on earth? What prize do you seek in the abyss that cannot be found here in my arms?

You think this comes easily to me. As I turned my back on an arrogant race, so now, in turn, comes the moment to betray you. So simple. _Too_ simple. Do you know me that little after so many days, so many nights? Don't dare patronise me with your auguries of guilt, hand picked from a mind cluttered with discarded consciences. Don't cast me in your mould. You broke it long ago, broke my spirit, broke your vows.

Can't you see where this is leading? The forces of good, of neutrality, the dark minions of Takhisis herself - they will never allow such arrogance. Your future is not the fairytale you will it to be. I see pain, master, an eternal agony that sears my flesh in anticipation of what is to come, of a future where student is thrust aside to promote teacher to blissful torture. Can't you see that you'll be crushed if you go too far?

Too far? You've _passed_ too far.

And it seems as though you've taken to believing children's fearful whispers. You're starting to adhere to fictional guidelines, ever seeking the undisputed crown of greatest villain to walk the shadowed paths of Krynn. I fail to see the interest, blind to the golden shimmer of the carrot at the end of _this_ line. Because I see a dozen paths before you, all empty, all barren, all…

Alone is such an arid word and it draws me, struggling, into this omnipotent life you've planned. Because alone and together seem mutually exclusive - although I'm the first to admit I'm no numerical genius - and I seem to remember a time when together was enough of a goal for you, when I may actually have meant something more to you than tower caretaker in your absence. _Extended_ absence.

Call me a fool. I surely deserve it, for I foolishly listened to words that turned to lies as I held them in my ever-weakening grasp. Perhaps there's a fragile tint of optimism left in this clouded soul; perhaps this dark elf still longs for a glimpse of the light. I will find no warmth in you. That is certain, that is solid. As solid as the boundaries between this mortal world and the taunting Abyss, as certain as your eventual destruction.

And it scares me.

Please remember I just want you to live; want _us_ to live. For a moment it was beautiful, but now the taste in my heart grows increasingly sour; corrupting, tainting what once was true. Listen to a plea that doesn't fit with your design, doesn't entice you like the impossible, doesn't sweep you away like you've swept them all unwittingly into your deadly schemes.

But you don't consider that, never have done. After all, what are friends, family… lovers… if not merely pawns in a life-long campaign? You fail to consider the final scene of your masterwork, refuse to truly see the way that lies ahead. I see it so clearly now; _too_ clearly, _Shalafi_ , to miss the path of thorns, too clearly not to see where we all soon will be.

Discarded.

Thrown aside, a small price to pay for a victory that will surely come. After all, myth no longer stays a fairytale when it's tortured in your grasp. And I've always been your right-hand man, but loyalties can twist when the goal finally draws near. You may label me betrayer, but it's _you_ who wears that crown, oh Sly One, oh Superstar.

You should have stuck with battle spells, fighting by your brother's side. You won your glory in the war, so much more than most could ever covert, draped yourself in dubious glory, the improbable messiah. You could have lived a simple life, worn a reputation with those charcoal robes, remained the man I once admired. And yet I admire you still in an irrational way, love you still, although I'd never mouth the words.

And what do my words matter anyway, with the Abyss forever on your mind? What do _I_ matter, when this choice was made so long ago, before me… before us? And I was a fool to think I could change your design. A fool you're going to leave behind. A fool…

Oh it's all so clear now…

**13-12-2000**


End file.
